Behind the scenes

Claire's story

While it is estimated around 70% of women and children escaping violence seek refuge at a friends or relatives’ house,^* thousands end up sleeping rough, on the street or in their car.  With nowhere else to go, Claire and her two children called their car home. Read Claire's full story below. 

This story contains references to domestic and family violence. If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic and family violence or needs support, see support services available here. 

Claire's story is represented at the IKEA Tempe store

Claire is 23 years old. Her two children are Liam, 8 months old, and Mia, 4 years old. ​Claire met Paul, her former partner, when they were at school together. At 16, they fell in love quickly. Paul was kind, loving, supportive and funny. Together, they dreamed of a happy future.​

Two years later, when Claire became pregnant with Mia, things started to change. Paul began to control what Claire ate, how she dressed and where she went. When she stood up for herself, Paul would tell Claire that he was just trying to keep her safe and tell Claire that she was being selfish. ​

When Mia arrived, things didn’t get better. While he was a loving dad, Paul’s behaviour with Claire escalated. Over time, Paul cut off Claire’s access to their bank accounts, took away her car keys and, eventually, forbade her from returning to work. Claire’s defenses were met with violent threats of harm.​When Claire told Paul she was pregnant for a second time, his behaviour got worse. They stopped seeing family and he banned them from seeing friends – even Mia’s daycare was forbidden. When she found a location tracking app on her phone, Claire confronted Paul about it; he denied putting it on her phone and accused her of trying to provoke him. ​

When Claire gave birth to Liam, a mental health worker visited them. Claire told her everything. That day was the first time Claire had ever heard the term coercive control. And it was the first time anyone talked about how that abuse could affect Mia and Liam. ​

Paul’s abuse continued, now not even hidden from their children. Knowing now that his behaviour would almost certainly end in physical violence, Claire made the decision to leave. She grabbed the essentials: a change of clothes, a couple baby toys, their medications, and enough food to last a day or two. She found her car keys and some cash in Paul’s home office, and she and the children drove away. ​

Claire contacted a domestic and family violence service in her area – but there were no viable refuge places available for weeks. She couldn’t bear to call family and friends, feeling so ashamed of the situation she found herself in. So, for the time being, Claire and the children were on their own, and that car was their home. ​Claire moved them regularly to ensure Paul couldn’t find them.

She used payphones to keep contacting services, in the hopes of having somewhere to go. Without access to cooking facilities, they didn’t eat very well. The car was claustrophobic with an adult and two kids living, sleeping, and eating in it – the air inside never felt fresh. Their constant movement made Mia fearful, as everyday she was living in a different environment. ​But they slept safely and together. Claire had a sleep routine down pat: putting a visor in the windshield and cardboard over the windows, using doonas to make a nest in the backseat for her and Mia, with Liam’s bassinet safely tucked in the station wagon’s boot where she could reach him in the night. They listened to Mia’s favourite music every day to help her feel calm and safe – Claire still can’t listen to The Wiggles without thinking of this time. They played games, sang songs and went to parks. They went to the beach some days, and to lush nature reserves on others. Claire filled the car with homey touches from op shops, like blankets, toys, and books. She did everything she could to make living in a car feel like a home.

​Finally, she got a call that a placement had opened up at a Save the Children Australia refuge. ​As they settled in and staff talked with Mia, Claire began to see things differently. She heard Mia talk about how scary it had been to live with an angry daddy and a sad mummy. After such a long period of isolation at home, her social skills were low and she didn’t know how to act around other children or make friends. If Claire made a loud noise, like dropping a spoon, Mia would look around in fear, waiting for Claire to get ‘in trouble’. ​

Claire began to understand that Mia is a victim survivor too. That leaving Paul wasn’t just for herself – it was for Mia and Liam. ​Their road ahead is long. Due to Paul’s abuse, Claire has little work experience and no financial safety net. Mia’s social and emotional development has been deeply impacted. Neither has a support network of friends and family to rely on yet, and both have significant trauma to work through.

It’s likely Paul will remain in the children’s lives, and there are long legal battles ahead.​But for now, with a stable home, and practical and emotional support from the Save the Children team and other mums in the refuge, Claire, Mia and Liam have begun to heal.

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*Source: ABS, 2020